Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Agency (American Heritage)

This post is for my American Heritage class. The assignment is to write a blogpost about an theme or ideal we have discussed in class this semester. For mine, I decided to write about a discussion we had in class back in March, at which time we were at the point in America's history where slavery was becoming an issue. One of the questions which arose was whether or not enslaved African-Americans had slavery.

I would like to apologize in advance if this blopost offends anyone. I've tried to keep to facts and express my opinions as unoffensively as possible, but the fact remains that this is a sensitive topic.

One of the principles we discussed in class was agency, specifically in correlation with American slavery and the question of whether or not slaves had agency. Although our generation is far removed from actual slavery in this country, it is still a relevant and thought-provoking question. One of the main issues with the topic was the fact that the majority of the class – if not the entirety – were debating the problem from an LDS perspective. According to church doctrine, every human soul has agency regardless of their situation. There are choices the individual could make that would take away their agency – drug use leads to addiction, the committing of serious crimes leads to jail – but the fact remains that they are born with agency and used that agency to get themselves into the aforementioned situations. However, in the case of slaves, they did nothing to put themselves in their situation. Many were kidnapped by or sold to white slave traders, having no say in the matter. So, do they still have their agency?

When my group discussed it, we were unable to come to a solid conclusion. We did, however, find several arguments for either side: I will share these here.

Technically, we debated, slaves did have agency. Agency is a matter of acting versus being acted upon, and it was possible for slaves to act…but the consequences would not be pleasant. Death, mutilation, separation: if a slave had acted by running away, or refusing to work, or choosing who they would marry, they would face these consequences. That does not seem very much like true agency.

Then, following that line of thinking, it would seem that slaves did not have agency. Choosing between following orders or death is not much of a choice at all; however, our group became stuck at this point. It may not be much of a choice, but it is a choice. We could not decide out position on the argument, since neither side seemed quite right.

A point was made, though, which led to an amelioration. In order to choose – in order to have agency – one must have knowledge. Adam and Eve were given two conflicting commandments – multiple and replenish the Earth, but do not eat from the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil – but they were unable to choose which one to follow until they at the fruit and gained knowledge. From an LDS perspective, their Fall gave us – their descendants – the ability to know Good from Evil and to choose for ourselves. The Fall led to agency: indirectly, knowledge led to agency. Knowledge is needed to have agency: if one does not fully know and understand both sides of an argument, one cannot properly choose between the two. If one has no concept of hot, there is no concept of cold: it is the same principle.

Slaves, however, were purposely kept ignorant by their ‘masters.’ These ‘masters’ knew that knowledge would give their slaves the means to think and reason and, eventually, rebel; as a solution they – the whites – tried to keep the slaves in ignorance. Slaves were almost never taught to read or write, and thus knowledge and learning was kept away from them. From the perspective of the slaveholders, it was a rather ingenious move on their part. Ignorant slaves meant, for the most part, docile slaves, and that was what they wanted.

This raises another question: if slaves were kept ignorant, does that mean they never truly had agency in the first place? Or was their agency simply limited?

I am inclined to believe the latter. As was discussed earlier, by a technical definition there was still agency involved. Slaves knew they did not like being slaves; they also knew the consequences of rebelling, and they made their decisions based on that basic knowledge. Thus, their agency was limited by their knowledge.

For example, Frederick Douglass was taught to read and write while still a slave. He was taught at first by his ‘master’s’ wife, and later learned by watching the white children of the neighborhood. When his ‘master’ learned that his wife had been teaching Douglass, he made his disapproval known, saying that a slave who learned to read and write would become dissatisfied with his condition and begin to desire freedom. Douglass himself later said that “knowledge is the pathway from slavery to freedom.” His knowledge allowed him to teach other fellow-slaves, and gave him the courage and strength to escape and, later, join the abolitionist movement. He became one of the strongest anti-slavery orators in America.

Nat Turner, famous for his rebellion in Virginia in 1831, was also educated. He learned to read and write at a young age; eventually he gathered a group of nearly 70 fellow slaves and rebelled against the white slaveholders. Though Turner is perhaps a less admirably example than Douglass, the two have at least one fact in common: both were educated, to an extent. Both could read and write. This knowledge increased their options and expanded their horizons, in a manner of speaking.

In my opinion, education and knowledge expands agency, while a lack thereof limits it. Thus, while slaves did have a degree of agency, it was severely limited.

Monday, March 19, 2012

Students

All these Facebook posts about The Wiz have got me all nostalgic for musical theater, and lo and behold I found Fiddler on YouTube. :) And when I watched the scene where we meet Perchik I was all "holy crap it's all true!!!"
The old men are all standing around cursing and spitting, and here comes Perchik telling them off. As a student he wants to change the world: he wants to put words into action and all that.
Good for him! Though he is a bit of an idealist (as most students are, I think).
...except, I couldn't help but compare this to my own college experiences. My version of the dialogue went something like this:
Other universities: "You should know what's going on in the outside world!"
The Daily Universe: "Careful, my paper!"
BYU: "Why should I break my head about the outside world? Let the outside world break its own head!"
...I will never stop saying this: Provo is a bubble. ><;
And then Tevye gives Perchik the cheese and he starts scarfing it down like he doesn't know where he'll get his next meal from and I'm forcefully reminded of my own empty fridge. ;D
And can we all review that infamous line?
"Girls should learn too. Girls are people!"
"A radical!"
^_^

Thursday, February 23, 2012

Writing Skillz?

Let this be a testimony of Trumbull High School's amazing English department:
A couple weeks ago I had a 3-page paper due for American Heritage. Problem: I didn't realize this/find out until about one hour before class. Needless to say, I was panic stricken. Somehow - I have no idea how - I actually managed to whip out 3 pages in that one hour, print it out, and hand it in. Great, right?
Hahahahaha...no.
I think I can honestly say that it's the worst piece of writing I've done since Rizza. If any of my teacher's back at THS read it I'd get a failing grade for sure. D: So for these past two weeks I've been panicking, dreading getting this essay back. For one, because I didn't want to see the bad grade that I knew I deserved; for another, I was legitimately ashamed of having written that paper, putting my name on it and claiming it (albeit reluctantly) as mine. I felt so ashamed imagining the TA's reading it: much as they get on my nerves, I don't want them thinking poorly of me because of that paper.
Well, we got it back to today. And what did I get?
92.
Ninety-two.
:O
I was actually kinda mad; I KNOW I don't deserve that grade!!! Like, I am legitimately agonizing over this thing!! I'm this close to losing respect for the TA's, because they gave me a good grade on a bad paper. There is no substance to it. I know, I wrote it! It's meaningless fluff! Seriously, it's one of those papers where even thinking about reading it over, even to see their comments, makes me cringe. I'm very self-conscious about my writing. ><;
The main comment my teacher put at the end of The Mess?
"My TA is right. There could be more analysis in your discussion, and less "reporting." Still, you are a strong writer, and there is much of value in your paper. Keep up the good work."
GAH!!! *cringe*
This is what I don't understand!!! He realizes it's all fluff, so is my grade based on my writing skills??? That's a paradox!!! You can't be a strong writer if you don't actually have a POINT to your argument!!!! *sweatdrop* Entirely illogical!
And yes, I am complaining about getting a good grade.
...I would love to see Rizza's reaction...

Saturday, January 14, 2012

The Fall

Forget the Mayans: the world will end tomorrow.
For those of you who are familiar with Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's Sherlock Holmes series, you know that Doyle eventually killed Sherlock by having him fall of a waterfall (Reichenbach) whilst grappling with his arch-nemesis Moriarty (Doyle later brought him back after tremendous backlash from the fans).
For those if you who follow the new BBC series Sherlock, you know that the season finale, cringing-ly referred to simply as 'The Fall' (and usually followed with anguished shouts of "MOFFAT!!!"), airs tomorrow.
Here at BYU, me and Sierra have a game-plan. See, we're basically devastated, even though it hasn't happened yet (Sierra more so than me, though. I generally reserve my tears for the Doctor). The problem is that the writer, Moffat, is completely unpredictable. He could and will do anything. He's purposely been ambiguous over the whole thing: he's fairly reveling in the tension. He's been taunting the fandom ever since season two aired, with such gut-wrenching twitter posts as "first the Woman, then the Hound, and then, of course, the Fall..." This episode has been so built up, and Moffat himself has admitted that Sherlock may not survive (I believe the words he used were 'come back.') Most problematic of all, although a third season has been confirmed, it may not come out for years. BBC tends to have huge gaps between seasons: some Doctor Who seasons have been a year and a half apart. And since Sherlock is technically just a side project for Moffat and Gatiss, a lot of fans are seriously starting to wonder if there will be a legit three year gap (that's how many years it took Sherlock to show himself to John again in the books).
So. We stopped by the Creamery today after dinner to stock up for our survival kit. We already have a tube of cookie dough; now we have chocolate bars, and we bought a bottle of sparkling cider. We didn't drink one for New Year's, but now we're going to use it to drown our sorrows. And fortunately there's no classes Monday, so we can stay up mourning (Read: weeping, wailing, and gnashing of teeth) as long as we need to. xP


Thursday, December 1, 2011

Dr. Teegarden and Kineseology

I had a very interesting visit with the chiropractor/kineseologist today. When I’ve gone to Alice back home, I’m used to the muscle tests – pushing down or pulling at muscles to determine weaknesses and imbalances in the body. It’s really interesting how the body is all connected, and it’s all made sense before: but Dr. Teegarden used a new method today that kinda caught me off guard (not that I’m going to stop going to him or anything).
Well, first off, he tested a lot of the muscles and worked on them a lot: all down my leg (which felt really good: I could have had him do that all day, honestly) and up my back (he thought it was hurting me, but really I’m just insanely ticklish). He would have me lie on my back and lift up my leg – completely straight – and see how far it would go; he seemed confused as to why it was still so tight. He worked on it more – apparently there’s this layer - kind of like a shirt, he said - that covers the muscle and can get bunched in places – but it didn’t help. So he did more muscles tests: had me touch the area where the pain/tightness was while he pushed down on my arm. That did it: apparently there was something deeper there.
That’s when things started getting…new. Before I go on, I want y’all to know that I am perfectly aware of how crazy and weird this all sounds; still, I trust Dr. Teegarden and I’m not trying to call him a quack doctor or anything. Just sharing an experience.
Anyway.
He started by telling me we were going to be going deeper today, more into kinesiology, then started talking about stress. There are different kinds of stress in our lives – emotional, physical, etc. – but the body reacts to them all in the same way and with the same methods. So he thought that my body might have made an emotional connection with the injury (yes, I know how ridiculous this sounds) because of some stress, and that was preventing it from healing. So he started testing the different body systems by touching a focal point for each one while pushing down on my arm. Each one was weak except the liver; that apparently signified anger, frustration, or something along those lines. Then he started narrowing things down to find the root of the problem. He’d say something like “anger at family and friends” and then push down on my wrist. If it stayed strong, he tried something else. If he was able to push it down, he kept going in that direction. It was interesting, to say the least…I don’t know if it actually worked, but I guess we’ll see in the next few days.
Apparently I am angry at myself for not having the same kind of experience at Pageant this last summer as I did the year before (which is true: I just didn’t think it could affect a physical injury). So he had me close my eye, touch the liver-area-focal-point…thing…and just take deep breaths in and out while focusing on that anger. And that was it. I guess it was meant to release the anger, so that the body no longer connects it with the injury and my leg will be allowed to heal.
So…yeah. It sounds really quack-doctor-y, I know (trust me, I know). And I’m neither advocating nor decrying it. Just sharing. At least I know it isn’t a trick, not like the energy band thing where they totally fool you into thinking it actually gives you more strength. Liz (roommate Liz) told me about it: they don’t have you wear it and push on your hands. Then they have you wear it and do the same thing, and you’re magically stronger! *sarcasm*
…really, you just know what to expect the second time around.
With this, when he was asking what I might be harboring anger at myself about, I honestly thought some of the stuff might be it, but it turned out it wasn’t. And I was pushing just as much each time. I thought of the energy bands thing and consciously tried to resist, it just…didn’t work. And he tells you each time exactly what he’s going to be doing, so you know what to expect each time. So maybe this anger is still alive and kicking, and affecting my leg. Maybe it’s not. Either way, he gave me a few exercises to do that will flex muscles to naturally push the disc back in place. So if this whole anger-therapy doesn’t work, that should do the trick. :)
Also, there is apparently a difference between Kinesiology and Applied Kinesiology. The former is the study of how the human body works. The latter is “an alternative medicine method used for diagnosis and determination of therapy” (to quote Wikipedia). So now you know.
Frankly, I still trust Dr. Teegarden more than Dr. Bacon, the ‘normal,’ orthopedic doctor. Because Dr. Teegarden is actually working to move the disc back into place, whereas the orthopedics with their blasted epidermals and ‘modern medicine’ are just trying to make it stop hurting. I keep thinking of that song from Next to Nowhere, when they declare the woman mentally stable once she’s so drugged up she feels absolutely nothing…ugh. *shudder* Alice has fixed tons of problems ‘normal’ doctors haven’t even acknowledged, so forgive me if I still trust a good kinesiologist with my health more so than any other doctor. They really do know a ton about how the body works, and they’re able to apply that knowledge to keep everything where it’s supposed to be!
….I’ll step off my soapbox now. That’s a rant for another day. ;D

Thursday, November 17, 2011

Health Stuff

So this is me procrastinating writing my two essays due tomorrow. *shudder*
Also, this is to update everyone on what's going on with....all this. Some of you know most of it, a lot of you know a little of it, and then the rest have no idea what's going on. So:
Early-to-mid-July, during the Hill Cumorah Pageant, I stretched a muscle in my, uh, gluteus maximus. And it didn't go away like it should have, so I went to Dr. Alice Baron - who is amazing and a miracle-worker - and after a couple visits she had me on the mend, though we hadn't had time to go enough to get me completely fixed. So she told me to avoid sitting as much as possible.
Then we went on a two-week roadtrip out to BYU. *facepalm* So the muscle got inflamed again, and started to hurt again.
I didn't go to the doctor for a while because...uh...because...actually, I don't really know why. I think it was just cuz I never had the time, and since the pain was manageable and really only present when I was in the process of sitting or standing, and I was still able to find comfortable sitting positions, I didn't worry about it too much. Except then the pain became more constant, and I started downing Motrin like candy, and I couldn't sit without pain...so I sucked it up and Sierra went with me to the urgent care place at the Student Health Center, where the doctor recommended physical therapy and that I take even more motrin to bring down the inflammation.
That didn't work. Motrin really helped for a while, and I was really hopeful that the PT would too...but after the initial visit I noticed that the girl became more causal and a little more sloppy with some of the treatments, and then I started feeling worse after doing the proscribed stretches. So after a month or so - maybe a bit more - of PT I went back to the doctor - a different one this time - and after an insanely lengthy interrogation he recommended I get an MRI.
SO. After 4 months after the initial problem, and 3 months after Alice told me my sciatic nerve is pinched, I got the MRI. And guess what?
She was right!
And my roommate wonders why I have such faith in naturopath doctors...
Anyway, the MRI got sent to Alice, and she managed to track down a kinesiologist that is not in the phonebooks, is not listed anywhere, doesn't even have a website...got his info, passed it - and the MRI report - to my mom, who passed it to me, who went to him at 8am this morning and is now feeling confident that the problem can be resolved. :)
Basically, at your 2nd lumbar vertebrae the spinal cord ceases to exist as a cord, and octopus's out into individually wrapped nerves (not for individual sale). The disc at my 5th lumbar is bulging inward and pressing on one of those nerves, thus creating PAIN. So he worked his awesome kinesiologic magic and I felt so much better coming out! Turns out my left leg is a half inch shorter than my right, since my pelvis tilted up from limping and is now misaligned (or was, 'fore he fixed it). And there's this muscle right in the front, that connects the spine and the leg that is mega-tight. And I mean MEGA. TIGHT. At the very end he had me lay on my back and move my left leg up, out, and back down while he was pushing on the muscle with his fist. My face turned red, it hurt so much. >< I think even he was surprised by how tight it was: he told me it's probably a good 50% of the reason I'm in so much pain.
So, yeah, that's coming along (please tell me you get that reference...). I'm going back on Monday, plus I have an appointment with an orthopedic doctor on Tuesday. My Mom says he'll probably recommend a series of shots, or maybe surgery - please no - and that should help fix it up really quick.
Funny story about the doctor (no, not that one): for one thing, his last name is Bacon. :) Which automatically makes him cool. Second...see, I have all these connections here in Utah. I think every Mormon has some connections in Utah, whether they are aware of them or not. Mormons are kind of like Hobbits, in that we're all inter-related (somehow), and you can call on favors based on relationships from years ago. Case in point: my ride to the MRI was my mom's old mission president (he's the one who was in charge of all the missionaries in her area, which was Anaheim, CA). He now lives in Provo, has only met me once for about an hour, but came, picked me up, drove me (and Sierra, who was wonderful and took time out of her day to come sit in the waiting room for an hour) to the doctor's office, and drove us back again. He's amazing. :)
Well, I found out today that he grew up with Dr. Bacon: they were next-door neighbors as kids. O.o Who'd-a thunk?
Anyway, that's about it so far. I'm wearing a lumbar support belt (I love it! It makes me feel SO good!!!), avoiding sitting, and currently lying in my bed, trying to write two essays without falling asleep. >< Wish me luck: I need it.

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Luyi Zhang

This blog is dedicated to Luyi Zhang, in honor of her 18th birthday!

Remember:


Big rock, little rock?

Made-in-China-san?

Tohru-chan/san?


When I first tried to say Kyo's name and completely butchered it, and you an Alena wouldn't stop laughing for 10 whole minutes?















When I spent the better part of an hour (or was it more?) trying to defeat Maleficent in Birth By Sleep, but when I finally succeeded I didn't save in time and I died 5 minutes later, and you stepped in and beat her again for me...on your second try? >< (Also, Philip was absolutely useless)

When you got a singing balloon for your birthday Sophomore year, but I said something and you hit me with it and popped it on the metal spirals of my notebook? And then you tried to blame me for it, and we ended up shoving it in your locker where it wouldn't stop singing and it sounded like a dying cow?


When I first started reading Rurouni Kenshin and couldn't keep anyone straight, and I only remembered how to pronounce 'rurouni' because it rhymed with 'macaroni?'

...that confusing mass of relations that is you and Ginger and Liz and sometimes me? (I still can't keep it straight...)

The color purple (no, not the musical)? I swear, you were obsessed...I think you still are. ;D

May 14.

That fun conversation in French class with you and me and Leslie? The whole class was
out for...was it the Body's Exhibit fieldtrip? We had the blog to read but I could only understand every other word (if even), so we ended up talking about Harry Potter in Frenglish for the whole time (Pouffe-Soufle!), with much help from Madame because I had a teeny-tiny vocabulary...oh, and then there was the whole mix-up with 'exciter'...that was awkward. ><

In 7th grade, how all through French class I would draw Draco Malfoy's name all over pieces of paper and then show/hand them to you? I think I had good taste, he grew up nicely. ;D


Do you remember how we met in 6th grade? We were in the same gym class (remember Mrs. Demon-dork? How did we even come up with that???) and had to do that thing where you line up alphabetically, but without talking? Oh, and we had to stay on the same line so we were all awkwardly climbing around each other (honestly, as if Middle School wasn't awkward and terrifying enough!). But yeah, I went right to the end when, wonder of wonders, someone was after even 'Yankura!' That's when I met Luyi Zhang. :) It was the start of a beautiful friendship...

Mrs. Demondork (honestly...I kinda feel bad for the guy now...)

I know who your first crush was.... ;D (just saying, I'm not going to put it out on the internet.)

Remember that time in 8th grade math class when we did Sudoku? You finished in, what, 10 minutes? 15? And the whole class was coming to you for help... xD

Frenglish. :) 'Nuff said.


8th period 'study hall' Senior year? With Theresa? Going to the library and being loud and obnoxious and getting away with it...tue tête (which Theresa wrote (and misspelled) on all my stuff...)!!! And how I could never remember how to say 'to lie' and you had to look it up like five times (BTW, it's 'mentir.' It was one of my vocab words this semester).

The 3-hour long study sessions at your house Senior year, where we got so sidetracked (but we got sidetracked in French!) and took forever to get through stuff...those saved my life, though. Thank you so much for all your help in French! I would have died otherwise. :/ You're amazing!

Spending all of 8th period translating La madame au foulard blanche? I still remember the word 'trottoir' to this day, since we had to look it up a million times while reading that...

When your parents bought you a PS2 without your asking, and we were all super-jealous cuz you could play Kingdom Hearts now?

Cela cert à rien? (yes, that's the actual picture I used. ;D )












So, in conclusion, Luyi Zhang is an amazing person and a true friend! We go way back to 6th grade, when she'd just moved from Seymour (is that how you spell it?) and I had only been in Trumbull for a couple years (and all my friends had gone to Madison Middle School instead of Hillcrest). We stuck together, got pushed out of our seats at lunch, then founded our own table with Caitlin and Alena. :) Remember when the principle came around and commended us cuz we all had our noses in books? Yup, that was our table! And after all these years we're still friends and still share so many memories. Sharing stories, bouncing ideas off one another, countless sleepovers and meals and drama and life in general has built this friendship. So, on a slightly less sappy note, thank you Luyi for putting up with my drama and indulging my angst-mongering and (maybe, just a bit...) showing me the benefits of a good romance (as opposed to a bad one: PUN!!! xD ). Thank you for sticking with me and supporting me and just being a good friend! Words can't express how much I love you and appreciate you!! So even though this is a day late...nevermind, it's after midnight, so two days late - I hope you feel special on your un-birthday (as well as every other birthday and every day of the year) and I can't wait to see you over break! You're amazing Luyi Zhang, and don't you forget it!!!